Not gonna lie, those are all pretty terrible things you did there, Micchy. Even if it's good you didn't actually kill anyone.
On the other hand, if Mai chooses to forgive you, knowing you did all that? Not even knowing - she's the one who lived through it, she's the one who really knows what exactly you did to her - then that's her call. I think that's what she's getting at when she says you don't trust her. You don't trust her to make her own decisions about who she wants in her life, or trust that she can take care of herself.
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On the other hand, if Mai chooses to forgive you, knowing you did all that? Not even knowing - she's the one who lived through it, she's the one who really knows what exactly you did to her - then that's her call. I think that's what she's getting at when she says you don't trust her. You don't trust her to make her own decisions about who she wants in her life, or trust that she can take care of herself.